Untitled

From the clay and mire
Thou didst weave my inward parts
Fashioning me as the creature of a lesser god
Long before I knew in my mind to make a choice

Haiku

my passion ignites
her belly—this kithara
my love's sobriquet

Sophrosyne

.: Sophrosyne :.

I could never stop saying her name, nor cease thinking of her in every idle moment.. which were very few and far between in those days. Now it all seems like forever ago, like a life that was someone else's, and not mine at all. But I remember it clearly; it was on that very first evening when she had summoned me into her private chambers, I played my Kithara for her, luring the lady out from hiding with my music -- and yet I was unaware all the while that it was I who had been hidden. That is.. until she stripped me bare. What would she see when peering into my soul, beyond my face and nakedness? For this was the grand forum debate known as Sophrosyne. And the lady did so enjoy those things which have been forbidden to women: Philosophical debate amongst men, whom she desired should learn to regard her with all seriousness for her superior wit and intelligence.

We spoke of Socrates and Charmides much later, and at great length while I knelt at her feet. And somewhere deep into the discourse of my own soul, she opened her thighs, testing me, I was certain. For I, unlike a woman, could not hide my sudden desire. Yet despite my prurience now exposed, she allowed me to kiss her there; to kiss her and drown my every last transgression in absolution that only she could offer. For she had determined, once laid bare before her eyes and with my lips flush upon her quim, alas, my soul was without guile.

Sometimes late at night, I still whisper her name. I like the sound of it on my tongue. And sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still see her there. Not as a queen, but as the very gist of a woman, fragrant and warm. Her taste still lingers on in my dreams. And that is how I shall always remember her -- my love. My Cleopatra.



I think by now that eight years have already passed since Marius first took me from Crete to his home in Pompeii, though I admit I have lost count. We have traveled several times per year to the islands and throughout the mainland, even as far as Rome, and I am constantly surrounded by the costumed bourgeois masquerading as the elite. Beneath the iron fist of Marius, I too, must live behind a mask.

Because I wear no collar, nor any other visibly outward symbol of my slavery, I am often regarded favorably in the social moorings of those who esteem themselves as my peers. There were times when I did not believe I would ever learn to blend the way Marius insisted. Yet over time, and with constant mentoring and his whip, I have excelled in this masquerade, and have become a star among many in this theatrical firmament.

I am Damos. Dreamer of dreams.
Master of the stringed lady, Kithara.
Slave to the Masquerade.

The Faun Of Bacchanalia

From the clay and mire thou didst weave my inward parts, fashioning me as the creature of a lesser god, long before I knew in my mind to make a choice. ~Patrick S.

Coming Soon!

Savage Breast

"Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak." ~ William Congreve ~

Between medleys there had been a sudden shout that heavily pierced the pristine silence. Loud enough to have cautioned me; wakened me from my own spell. Papillion came bursting from the darkness in a blur of rent and soft fabric, only to fall flat with a dull thump against the upper landing. And where my medley had ended, Domitian's was about to commence.

"Damos.. come up here. I need some help." Papillion's shoulder was bleeding. "She fell," he said. And though the wound upon her shoulder more resembled the jagged roundness of a bite than anything incurred by a fall, I wanted to believe Domitian. I watched. And this time with only a flutter of queasiness I sometimes feel when I see blood, I watched as Domitian blotted away the sanguinous trickle and fussed over her soiled nightgown. He motioned to me with his fingers that I ought to turn around. And when I did, he undressed Papillion and wrapped his own towel around her nakedness.

Domitian left us for a few brief moments to go and rinse the towel with which he had used to mop up the blood, and Papillion and I whispered to one another in the brief interim. "Damos! Look at me. Why are you here?" I turned round again to face her.

"I longed to see you and Domitian again, Papillion. You promised.. we would be together forever." All the while she had been dancing her fingers along my sleeve, plucking here and there as she loosened one of my buttons and coiled a lock of my hair around her finger. Tugged closer, Papillion bit my mouth when I settled down right beside her.. though none too hard.

][ More to Come ][

Return to Chateau du Cachot

"You may come and go as you please, Damos." He had offered me a refuge without so many words.

The chateau is as dark on the outside as it is on the inside. Even in the daylight there is a certain recondite eeriness about it which unsettles me. Had it not been for the fact that Papillion and Domitian currently reside there behind Chateau du Cachot's slightly decaying patina, I would have never possessed the courage to trespass beyond her gates.

Yet that night, far past the witching ahn.. I went there unexpectedly. And I let myself right into the house, for the door was unlocked.. much like it is at my own Master's house. Inside it was somber. The silence near deafening. Yet I crouched to the floor there in the immediate great room and removed by Beloved from her velvet-lined case. And then I played her like a lover, until the fading gloom released its chilly grip of fear upon me.

My serenade.. to any with a desire hear it: Come and make love to me.

Etude in Fear

Domitian sat upon his bench before me, facing the opposite direction as he leaned against the ivory keys and pointed to a series of marks above each staff on the parchment. The same marks that had corresponded to the particular way in which a small section of music is to be played.. rather than the mere notes below them. I listened intently while leaning down over his shoulder from behind to better see. For I believe if I learn to read and write the music that I play, it will please him in no uncertain terms. I want to be the man's disciple.

"I want something more, Damos... complete possession." He played the notes just as they were written, forcing me to yield in ways which I have yearned to do for ever so long.

"I want you to need me as much as she needs me." This he whispered to me as he held me close and captive for those fleeting moments. "That is what pleases me."

Truth or Dare

"What will you give me in return?" Charity, the mere goodness of one's own heart.. these are not the things that anyone demands, nor even expects. From the loftiest to the lowest of low, it is expected that in order to attain something, one must be prepared to give something in return.. of equal, or even greater value.

I could not go back to sleep that night. Not one wink favored either of my eyes. And so I threw on a mere house robe to cover my nakedness and crept right back down the stairs. I found Kari down in the atrium, also of the same lack of sleep persuasion.

"Would you like me to show you what is down in the wine cellar?" I had been hiding a bottle of pilfered wine behind my back the whole while, and yet I could not help but grin at her as yet another game formed itself in my mind. I shared the wine with Kari.. we drank it straight from the bottle, even. And then, Papillion came down the stairwell upon tiptoes.. for it seemed she too, had been blessed with insomnia that night.

By the look on Kari's face, it was evident she had imagined all sorts of gangly things down there in the dark.. perhaps even a Quasimodo all bound in shackles and chains. Well.. she was only half correct in her guesses.

I led the way, holding a small oil-burning lamp aloft in my hand, with Papillion clinging to the back of my robe.. and Kari clinging to Papillion's other hand. Down the rickety wooden steps that always feel as if they will snap into a million splinters beneath even the slightest weight.

Once we reached the stone floor of the wine cellar, Papillion yanked my robe clean from me and ran across the darkened room.. only to trip and fall over the slave who had been bound down there. Skewer.

I pulled reluctant Kari by the hand and we crept close to her monster, so that she could see the new slave for herself while Papillion untangled her arms and legs from Skewer's where she had fallen upon him.

He did not seem at all pleased to see us three. But instead demanded charity from us in the guise of water. Perhaps we would unlock him and let him go free, too.. as he unleashed a small laundry list of complaints. The last of which was that he would prefer to be struck by lightning than given dry shelter.

It was Papillion who initiated the Game of Truth or Dare, for she asked Skewer quite simply, "What will you do for me in return for a cup of water?" Truth or Dare?

Truth: "I will try not to vomit on you," Skewer replied. He isn't very good at this game.

"No good," Papillion said to him before her attention fell upon me in a slow crawl of her gaze. For she had stolen my robe right off me and left me entirely naked. "What will you do for me, Damos.. if I give you back your robe?"

Dare: Lowering further to my hands and knees, I crawled to her in the manner of a lascivious paramour. "I will.. kiss you, Papillion." Anywhere you want me to kiss you.. as I rose up high upon my knees and pressed my lips right into the space between her legs. It made her filmy little night gown stick there in her own wetness for just a moment.. before the three of us raced back up out of the cellar. And once again, Skewer was left to his own self-pity.. adding the loss of a game to his heap of misfortunes.

Ignoble Like Me

"Were you.. only being.. a slave then, Damos?"

I did not know how to answer that. Even when her voice had softened considerably into more soothing tones than it had been only moments ago. And still I kept my eyes shut tight.

"Please, Papillion.. Lady. I did not mean to make you mad. I did not know."

"Get up Damos.. I'm.. I'm not going to... hit you." I felt her hand lay down softly upon my shoulder then. "Get up.." She shook my shoulder gently, "Come on."

But I could not make myself rise. Instead I turned around upon my knees and threw my arms around her waist, burying my face against her bare belly. And unable to stop the tears that finally came, "Why didn't you kiss me, Papillion? Why didn't you kiss me?" She had said she loved me.. and yet I did not begin to understand her rejection. It had hurt me.

"B-because.. I didn't want D-Domitian to hurt you Damos.. he was going to hurt you if I k-kissed you in front of him. H-h-he was so angry about us." Her own voice broke into shorter stammerings as my distress completed it's revolutionary conduit right through her and back again.

"But.. you said you loved me."

When I failed to rise, Papillion sunk down to her knees and joined me on the floor. Her kisses were soft and reassuring; full of a woman's tears and tender forgiveness. And I swallowed them down as if I'd not been kissed in so many years.

Before she left.. for she must return before Domitian awoke and discovered her missing from their bed.. she took my hand in hers and pushed it down into the shadowy recess between her legs, where she was still moist from her earlier late-night, somnambulant need. And then she whispered to me...

"La kajira."

Waking From.. Wet Dreams

She made me dream of a hundred different images juxtaposing themselves into confusing dreamscapes.. some pleasant.. some not so pleasant. And grapes. Sticky wet.. grapes.

Papillion walks in her sleep.

I awoke from my dreams with a jolt, my fingers wet, and face to face with Papillion. And for a moment we simply stared at one another.. before I had the sudden urge to grasp my blanket right up to my chin and hide behind it.

For a mere ihn, she too, seemed as startled as I was to find herself there upon the floor by my bed. Yet all too soon she seemed to remember with a frown marring her pretty face as she relit all of her little fuses, "I am.. I am mad at you!"

"Yes, Lady.. you're mad at me," I whispered, agreeing with her as I made attempt to further hide myself under my blanket. I could not take my eyes from her though. Nor could I understand why she had been so enraged with me. Not when I love her so.

"That is not good enough Damos.. I want an answer! I want to know what was going through your mind when you tried to take my place!"

"Take your place.." I never thought I had reason to be afraid of Papillion. Yet she continued to raise her voice, bitterly accusing me of.. something. "Where? Where is your place, Papillion?" I was so confused. For who would have ever thought a lady's place was.. on her knees?

"It's.. YOU tried to replace me!"

"I don't know what happened. Papillion.. I don't know what happened!"

"What! Do you like being on your knees? What kind of man does that, Damos? Huh?"

When she lept to her feet quite suddenly.. I did too. And I think for one brief moment she thought I meant to run away from her. Yet to whom shall I go with such a grieving heart? Without leaving my room at all, I rushed to the opposite side and knelt before the wall with my back to her. For I fully suspected that this lady meant to whip me for having angered her so. And so I waited. With my eyes shut tight.

I waited.

Mephistopheles

Domitian and his Companion, Papillion had decided to stay the night at Batavian House, for the night had proved too exhausting and fraught with emotion for them to have returned back home. When I returned from the wine cellar bearing a small tray and an empty cup, I found that everyone had since retired for the night. Everyone that is, except for Domitian.

Between the time I had returned the items to their proper places and had been about to head up the stairwell for my own bed, he called to me in the darkness. "Sit with me awhile, Damos."

He was slouched a bit, and somewhat weary I could tell, when I approached and he fell beneath the telltale light of the moons. And he was holding his own hand as if he had injured it somehow.

I did not speak any reply, but simply curled myself up right beside him on the divan. For I sensed that he needed no more than a body to cling to in that very ihn. A body who did not make any further attempt to lull him from his own silent and brooding thoughts.

Some moments after I had slid my arm around his waist and laid my head to his shoulder damp with sweat, Domitian kissed me. Long kisses that spanned a good length of time, until he decided he needed no more.

"Goodnight, Damos," he whispered to me, before he too, made his ascent up the stairs to join Papillion in sleep.

Little Messes

Aside from a cup of water that had been knocked over and a tray of untouched food, there was a slave shackle-bound down there in the wine cellar. The same one that Asia had purchased right off of a ship that had docked in Jad's harbor.

Before leaving with the cup and tray, I did offer morsels to him with my own fingertips.. all of which he refused. Only to claim that the lady Slaver's sole intent for having left him food and water in the first place, was merely to taunt him. Should he eat and drink, he was sure he would be whipped for it.

"You will be whipped anyway," I told him rather matter of factly, for I know my Master, and I know Asia as well. "Is it not better to be sated and then whipped.. than to be whipped while still hungry and thirsty?"

Skewer.. that was his name, I believe.. merely challenged me with his eyes, still refusing what had been given him. Yet I shall not twist his arm, nor force upon him the most basic and fundamental needs. Instead I gathered the empty cup and the untouched tray of food.. and I left him to enjoy his own company down there in the darkness of my Master's wine cellar.

Searching For Papillion

Domitian's mood changed very suddenly again. Rage. And then he seemed almost.. afraid. He made me afraid too.

We searched every place he could think of, and at last it seemed quite possible that she must be at.. Batavian House. For Papillion's crates were still there, right where she had left them, unopened and filled with pretty things. Girl things.

Domitian ran up the walkway ahead of me to the porch and began pounding his fists to the door.. yelling at the top of his lungs for Marius. By the time I caught up, I.. opened the door for him. It wasn't locked. It never is.

Marius was there on the other side with a glass of wine. He looked much the same as he always looks.. with his stoicism and his non-plussed manner. It is why I lean upon him as I do. Marius is my rock of Gibraltar. Even when Domitian yelled again, demanding to know where Papillion was.. my Master merely pointed up the stairwell with a slight shrug. I don't think he was so particularly engrossed in what must've seemed a lovers' spat.

Domitian suddenly pulled from the door and continued his frantic search for Papillion around the back side of Batavian House. But my own search.. ended right there. For Marius sent me down into the wine cellar. This time, merely to clean up whatever mess had been left down there by the lady Asia.

Butterfly's Flight

She ran from her Companion. The same exact way in which I have run from Marius a time or two.. she ran from Domitian. She is jealous of me and I know why. For it is the same exact jealous pang that I feel when anyone threatens to get to close to Marius and I am not in a sharing mood. Tonight, Papillion was not in a sharing mood either.

"Where are you, Damos?" Domitian called to me in the darkness, luring me out from my hiding place.

"I am here, Sir," came my whispered reply as I crawled out from beneath the bed and rose to my bared feet.

Domitian reached for me, placing both of his hands about my face in a frame as he drew close and searched me over in the scant moonlight for traces of where Papillion had lashed out at me with her hands.

"I must appologize for that, Damos. Emotional beast that she is. Are you alright?"

I was fine. Physically, I was fine.. though perhaps a bit shaken up over the whole affair that evening. We talked for a little while, and then it was my scattered emotions Domitian sought to soothe.. until at last he decided it was time to check on Papillion again.

Together we went. And to my astonishment.. I think his, too.. the Butterfly had flown.

When I Needed Her The Most

I could not stop myself. Not even after the look on Papillion's face. I could not stop myself, and I don't know why that is.

She was suddenly there in the hallway when Domitian rose from his piano bench and took me with him by the hand. This time he kissed me right in front of her, deliberately stealing my soul, and leaving me breathless and wanting.

This time it was I who sunk to my knees fraught with need and desire at the feet of Domitian. And this time it was I who kissed him.. though not upon his lips.

Before I knew what had even transpired, Papillion was screaming. At me! Screaming and calling me a liar as she slapped her hands across my face. It was Domitian who wrangled her from me and dragged her away.. perhaps to soothe her anger. For when he returned again, he was alone.

Once again I am stung by her, though I love her so. And who was there to console me, but her guardian? When I needed Papillion the most.. it was Domitian who had been there for me and heard my confession...

I love you, Domitian.. Sir.

Heartbreak

Sooner than later, he collected on his recompence when Domitian left the bistro and took me home with him.

He did not set me to any laborious task as I had worried he might. Such as painting his entire house or digging out the mass of dead brambles that have long overgrown the crumbling façade of Chateau du Cachot's exterior. Instead, Domitian filled me with wine until the inside of me glowed warm and fuzzy. More wine than I've had in a very long while, in fact. And he told me to kiss Papillion, who was there when we arrived.

But she would not let me kiss her.. even though I begged after the third time asking her. Finally she ran off up the stairs hid herself away, leaving me to my devastation in her rejection. What had I done to make her no longer love me? What?

And then he took me upstairs to his room.. past his room even, where his piano stands inside a small conservatory. Domitian gave me even more wine while he played music for me, inviting me to sit on the lacquered bench right beside him.

"Papillion does not love you, Damos. She is incapable of loving you," he told me between little musical interludes. It made my eyes well up.

Sometimes.. I cannot stop staring at the man's mouth. It was at one point he caught me staring, that he stopped playing his music abruptly. Domitian curled his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me close to kiss me. And I liked it, never wanting him to stop.

I liked it.

Savior

Scarely had we delved into a mere corner of all the food laid before like a Ubar's feast when the bill arrived. And I proudly handed the entire handful of coins to Minerva. She counted them and with a wink (because she is fond of me), Minerva held out her hand for three more coins. Three more than the sum total of all Bijou had given me.

I think for a few ehn I forgot to breathe. I could not go begging Marius. Not without further rousing his ire that day. I had already angered him once so far. Nor could I go to Bijou.. for she was already gone back to the house, I suspect.

And just when I had begun to panic without recourse, Domitian came strolling down the walkway. With a cane. Although.. he does not limp at all when he walks. He seated himself right beside me shortly after dismissing Papillion and sending her home, and rolled a few coins in between his fingers.

"What will you do for me if I help you, Damos?"

Anything, I fear. I would do anything for him.. in exchange for this salvation.

Everything

We were caught. I knew the sound of Bijou's gasp even before Marius' terse words that the theatre's rehearsal hall was not the proper place for indiscretions such as those. I never knew if either of them had seen that it was Papillion on her knees between me and the wall, either. But when Marius and Bijou went back outside, Papillion grasped her skirts in her hands and fled the opposite direction.. leaving me to pull my trousers back up and face the music.

Later.. after the second audition of Papillion and Argiope for the respective roles of Viola and Will.. Bijou met us by the door and dropped a handful of shiny coins into my hand. She said she would have loved to have joined us for lunch.. but she must beg off this time around.

I saw her in a whole new light that day. A whole new light. And maybe I have been wrong about her. For she seems genuninely pleased that Papillion and I have taken such a shine to one another.

Hand in hand, Papillion and I hurried across the street to the little bistro owned by Minerva. When she brought us menus, I found it hard to make up my mind. But Papillion is good at making decisions.

"I'll have everything," she smiled up at Minerva.

And I, likewise, folded my menu and agreed. "We'll both have everything!"

Within several ehn.. Minerva carried out several trays to our small table, and loaded it down with everything! I have never seen so much food in all my life!

A Drink Of Me

Papillion was there waiting in the dark at the theatre right when I arrived. We went inside together and when I laid my instrument case to one of the benches, I found myself suddenly in her arms, falling prey to whatever her hands had decided to do. They tugged my pants loose at my waist, and they touched me inside.

Papillion sunk to her knees there on the platform stage with her back to the wall. She meant to steal a piece of me when no one was looking. And I cannot say no to her.

I can only look down upon her when she does this and watch.. with rapt fascination, I watch. Until I can watch no more, and I am forced to close my eyes and cling to her hair with my fingers.. resisting with all my heart and soul not to pull too tightly.

Just one drink and she sets me aflame.

Room For Two

"Meet us there, Damos."

I do not know whether there was room for one more in the palanquin that was brought around to the house early that morning. But it was clear that Bijou meant to spend that time alone with Marius en route to the theatre.

I left a bit ahead of them while it was still dark out, and had my own time to think on things as well.

I think.. maybe Marius was right all along about not wanting any women in the house or under foot.

Pier Imports

Neither I nor Asia said much to one another regarding Bijou's too-soon debut. Instead she took me with her down to the markets in town for a shopping excursion. It was to garner supplies for meals, which we've sorely been lacking ever since Edgar's month-long vacation.

Though rather than walking along the cobbled rue of Jad's main thoroughfare, Asia led us down the length of the boardwalk that stretched out between her many piers. And there we became sidetracked as one of the merchant marines dragged a squallid and gaunt looking fellow in chains right across the plank. And as Asia began to haggle over his price with the sailor, I stood back and watched for awhile.

Yet on the opposite side of the pier railings, a woman with a large and colorful carpet bag crashed right into me. We were both so momentarily shocked, yet I the more appologetic. It was when she reached to touch my face, assuring me that we ought to run into one another again soon.. that I caught a little peek down into her large and colorful bag. It was filled more than halfway with money pouches.

No sooner had she left, Domitian arrived. It is best not to ponder too hard upon the inexplicable series of events that might make up a single day.

The slave Skewer had only just arrived. Yet it seemed it was I who would be leaving. With Papillion's guardian.

Bijou's Arrival

Asia stayed upstairs talking with Marius for quite some time, while I had been left in the dark regarding whatever else he'd meant to disclose about the lady Bijou. And yet it was I who would be the first to greet her face to face. For within the ahn, there came a loud rap upon the front doors.

Outside stood a brusque looking fellow who shoved a notice at me when I opened the doors. "This is the home of Marius, theatre district Administrator, yes?"

"Yes, Sir.. it is."
"Sign here then."

Glancing past him while I signed my name to the document, six burly men lowered a palanquin from their shoulders. The man I had been signing away my name for, turned and offered out his hand as the curtained panels parted. And out came Bijou.

My heart sank rather instantly.

Bijou's Letter

Up in Marius' private rooms, I had curled myself there on the edge of his couch, leaning over him with little else but pure joy to see him mending with each passing day. His displeasure was a good indication that he was his old self again too, as Asia plucked out a letter from her pocket and handed it to him.

Marius did not read it right away, but slipped it 'neath his coverlet for the time being, leaving both Asia and I to our unsated curiosity.

"Aren't you going to read your letter?" She asked.

"Yes, Marius.. read the letter." We stared at him.. and he stared right back with his uncanny expressionless expression.

Dear Marius,
I have been informed of your demise.
And I shall be arriving in Jad by tomorrow afternoon.
Bijou.

The letter was much longer than that and I knew he had skipped right over several parts, reading aloud only the most pertinent of details. "Damos," but it was I who fell beneath his snap decision, and I again who would be banished from his private rooms upon the third floor. "Go downstairs."

It was not until much later that I had learned the letter had been delivered a little later than had been planned. For she arrived later that very day.


~ A tisket. A tasket. A green and yellow basket. I wrote a letter to my love, and on the way I lost it. I lost it. ~

Auditions - Day One

I crept from my Master's private rooms before dawn without rousing him from his slumber. He is on the mend, but I did not think he would be going to open the theatre's rehearsal hall after the long winter to hand out the first season's scripts. I wanted to help him. I wanted to prove to him that I am trustworthy and that he can rely on me when he is down. This time, I went to open the auditions for all the parts in the play.

On the way downstairs to the second floor where Papillion was waiting for me to return to her, I found her still fast asleep. And I was glad, for I expected I would find her awake and so very angry at me for having broke my promise to return to her the night before. I slipped down between the sheets with her, quiet as you please.. and I waited for her to slowly rouse, hoping she would think I had been with her all along.

"We have to leave soon, Papillion," I whispered to her, reminding her it was the first day for auditions. When she came to, she insisted on cooking breakfast first.. since I do not know how to cook very well. But with Edgar on vacation so long, I think Papillion found very little to work with.

"We will have to go to the market on the way back," she said.

I did not think we would be home until well after sunset, and I knew we would be starving out of our minds. But.. for her.. I think I do not mind a few hunger pangs.

Less than halfway into the day, the very idea that filling Marius shoes was a monumental task that I was ill prepared for, had begun to sink in. I only wanted to help him; to pick up the fallen slack until he was well enough to return. But the Actors do not respect me the way they respect him. Perhaps they can see in my eyes how easily intimidated I am, if they should grumble or complain in the least. Too, I allowed Papillion to coerce me to the platform and read lines with her, for she thinks I would be perfectly cast as the role of Will.. lead man and hero of the play. Yet I could scarcely read the words on the paper in my shaking hands before I was overcome with a sudden urge to.. run and relieve myself.

It was when I had returned to merely observe from the shadows of the great rehearsal hall.. that I met him. Papillion's companion. He had set his hands to my shoulders and whispered to me, so many assurances. His breath was warm in my ear, and when I closed my eyes.. I believed him. I believed every word.

"I will take over for you, Damos. Don't worry about a thing.. my son." Domitian called off the Auditions for the day, ending them at the Tenth Ahn, rather than letting the circus drag on til after sunset.

He is my savior.

Butterflies Are Free

I was the first to step foot beyond the forbidden zone, past the door of my Master's private rooms up on the third floor. And I did so with caution. Not so much that I feared angering him.. as I feared finding him dead. Despite the Physician's assurance before he fled into the night with some note he held tightly in his fist.

Papillion tiptoed behind me as we came upon Marius' couch. He was propped up on pillows and staring right at me as I crept closer. I could hardly believe my eyes, seeing him awake. Nor could I hold myself back from easing down to his bedside and embracing him as gently as I possibly could. I had missed him so!

But he made me leave. Not the lady. Just me.

"Damos, why are you sticky and covered head to toe in dirt? Go bathe yourself and put some clothes on."

I suppose he wanted to speak with the lady in private, and how I longed to crouch outside his door and listen. But I dared not disobey him. I had already cost him so much.. almost his very life.

Later when I had finished my bath and dressed myself in a houserobe with the sash tied, Papillion was already in her own room and I was happy to see her again. She let me watch her as she changed her clothes for bed, confiding in me that she was afraid of the dark.

"If you want to, you can sleep in my bed with me." I could not bear the thought of her feeling afraid.. for there is really nothing to fear under my Master's roof. This made her smile. Moreso when I offered to leave a candle burning all night, even after we had long fallen asleep.

"Marius asked to see you, Damos. Will you hurry back?" Already I had lit a candle as she crawled down beneath my sheets.

"Yes, Papillion. I promise." Promises are easy for her. She is free.

But Marius broke my promise, for he had intended to keep me with him all night.

Head On Collision

The game of Hide & Seek lasted for well over an ahn before I was alas captured by naked Nymphs and lured out from my hiding. Papillion discovered too, that I am overly ticklish and I'm not sure this is a good thing. For I hate being tickled.

We might have laid in one another's arms all night too, right out in the vineyards. I wanted to. But Papillion insisted we go inside the house once it started to sprinkle. It seems she is as fond of getting rained on, as I am of getting tickled.

Once again we raced. Though this time I let her win as we ran for shelter indoors. Yet it was I who caught up and surpassed her, taking the lead as we ran up the stairs. In my haste, I had not seen someone at the top of the landing on the second floor and I ran right into the Physician! And once he stopped turning blue for lack of air, he looked a little angry.

I appologized profusely for not having seen him, as I followed him down the stairs to the atrium where Papillion was still hiding and putting her clothes back on.

"Where are you going?" I thought for sure my Master must be dead, for why else would a Physician leave so suddenly? That was when the man assured me my Master was quite alive and well.

"Well, what should I do? Please don't leave!" The Physician turned back at me as if.. as if people should just know automatically what to do.

"How about getting him something to eat. I'm sure he's built up an appetite," he finally replied as he left. And were it not for Papillion, I might have broken down on the spot. But the lady came to my rescue and together, we went upstairs to see Marius.

Hide & Seek

It was in the afterglow Papillion and I laid in one another's arms, that a set of footfalls tiptoed down the second floor hallway. The doors to both mine and Papillion's room had been left open.. and I saw that it was Kari peering into my own, unaware that I was there. For she was suddenly startled when she turned about and saw us naked.. save for Papillion's undergarment that she swears must never be removed.

I think for a moment that Kari perhaps blushed, or tried to escape without much notice.. though I am not entirely sure why that was.

I asked her to come in to the room and Papillion seemed eager as well to meet with her. Within a few ehn there was more than enough laughter to ease any troubled heart.. and that was when I decided we should play a game. Not just any game either.. but Hide & Seek.

"Good! Then you are It, Damos! Come, Kari," Papillion had already tugged her by the hand. "Let us hide while he counts to ten!"

"Oh no!" I countered before they'd even got past the door of her room. "I will hide.. for I am the great Satyr Pan. And you.. the beautiful Nymphs who try to seek and lure me out from hiding."

Halfway down the stairwell I stopped and peered back at them. I could not help but grin when I reminded them, "Pan will only be lured by the most beautiful and naked Nymphs." And then I ran. As fast as I could to the vineyards to hide myself beneath the light of three full and pregnant moons.

For despite the sadness in my master's house, a Satyr and the Nymphs must find occasion to celebrate all that matters the most in life. And that is living!

Pandora Papillion's Box

Much later that same evening, when I had once again gathered my own wits about me, Papillion asked me if I would help her carry her crates up the stairs to her own room.. which was the whitewashed guest room directly across the hall from my own room.

I was eager to see inside them. For a person's treasured belongings do shed secrets, and I was ever curious to know her. We had kissed all throughout the day, and now beneath the cloak of nightfall.. I longed for more.

There were several wrapped packages inside the trunk whose lid she pried first. Though she threw the parcels aside at first.. and removed several colorful undergarments of the softest silk.

"A lady wears these, Damos. And she never takes them off. Not even to bathe."

I of course, took her word for it as I reached down impulsively into her trunk and withdrew one set. I could not help myself either when I held the soft fabric to my cheek as Papillion changed from the one she wore, into a fresh undergarment.. all without showing any hint of herself beneath.

The one she removed however, she offered to me. Asking me whether I would like to keep it. It was just as soft as the first one. But still warm from where it had touched her skin. Too.. it smelled just like her.

I am not sure how it happened, for I do not recall any lingering game of flirtation.. other than that we were alone and in needful want of one another. And this time.. I did not have to ask her whether she wanted to kiss me. Papillion had made it crystal clear before I layed myself upon her undisturbed bed and surrendered myself to the lady's desire for me.

Stay with me forever, Papillion.
You promised.

A Second Opinion

By day's end, Papillion asked me whether I knew the way to Marius' home. For she said she had been invited to stay there for a length of time, under his care and tutelage. Of course I knew the way! And I could not have been more pleased with the kindness Lady Luck had shown me.

"I will take you there myself, Papillion. Because it is also where I live."

Though once we had arrived home at Batavian House, a certain dark cloud fell upon me that I was helpless to escape. That of my master's hairpin demise, for still in so many days I had not heard one word from the physician who had barricaded the entrance to Marius' private rooms via locked doors, barring any from entrance or contact until he deemed it necessary.

"Papillion, I want to see him so badly. And I cannot.. unless I can find another physician who will come and give a second opinion."

This seemed to instill a smile upon her face. And for one brief moment.. mischief alit her pretty blue eyes. She turned then, giving me cue to try and stop her.. as loudly as possible.. before she gave me a head start up the stairs.

I took no care in ascending the stairwell with caution, as I raced to the top and threw my back to my master's locked door.

"No! I beg you to withdraw this madness, Lady! The man is quite ill.. near to death, even!"

"Move aside," she replied, projecting her voice so that it would carry to the ends of the house. And with that she knocked upon Marius' chamber door.. demanding entrance of the other physician.

When he opened the door at last, he sure did make a point to scowl at me, for daring to bring another of his caste. Even though this is exactly what he had told me to do. I do not understand people sometimes. And though I meant the man no harm.. it was good to lay eyes once again upon Marius while Papillion talked with the physician in medical terms.

It was not until a few moments later when he had left my master in her capable hands, that she peeled down his covering to expose the bloodied bandages that sealed his wound. And for that brief moment, I grew heartsick and faint. And overwhelmed by the sight of the blood. In all this, Marius had still failed to rouse, or even blink beneath his closed eyelids.

But I could withstand no more. I ran from his room.. and from the house entirely. Only to throw myself to the ground outside and beg the mercy of every god and Priest King who might be listening. Mercy for Marius.

I do not think I can live without him.

Cronus, Philo & Argiope

"Maybe this year the great Cronus will get a real part. And not die in the opening scene!"

"Damos, is that you?"

"Hey! Get your hands off my woman!"

No sooner had Papillion tumbled right through the overhead window, the door of the great theatre was tugged right open from the inside. I had meant to represent my master in a most professional way.. but I could not keep my eyes off the woman. Nor she, me. Within moments we had embraced and kissed one another.. sinking to the theatre's dusty floor in an uncontrollable urge to succumb to passion's fruit, when a trio of Actors had shown up to collect their scripts and cajole one another as well as me, once they realized they'd stumbled upon a tryst in the making.

Papillion and I rose to our feet rather swiftly as we smoothed away the unrequited beginnings of our love, and I did introduce her to the Actors. Cronus the Ugly seemed particularly enamored of her.. to the point he'd threatened to wollup me good if I touched his woman again.

All throughout the day until sunset, I stole from her as many kisses as time would allow between the constant interruptions. More than fifty Actors had come and gone, as well as a good handful of Musicians. And though I maintained a cool front.. every single one of them wondered where Marius was. In all his many decades directing the most prestigious of theatre troupes, he has never missed a single day.

Through the Theatre Window

"Papillion? Do you want to kiss me?"

It seemed as natural to ask her this as it is for the sun to rise in the morning. There is a feeling I get deep down, like a spark of flint just moments before the expectant flare of candle's flame. I no more meant to fan the fires of passion than I meant to see up her dress when she tumbled into the darkened theatre from the window high above. For I must be serious and about my master's business in his stead.

I left the house early, before sunrise and while it was still dark out. It was the day in which the theatre's back stage entrance must open, for every Actor and Musician would be showing up in the ahns between sunrise and sunset to gather the season's script and musical ensemble. Asia had suggested it be put off until Marius awakes from his comatose slumber.. but knowing my master's penchant for punctuality, I did not think that such a good idea. It is widely said among those of the Entertainers: The show must go on.

Over the winter months it seemed the lock and bolt had rusted tight, for it would not budge no matter how hard I tugged upon the great sliding door behind the theatre's rectory. When suddenly in the darkness I was startled by a sound that had crept right up behind me. And for a split second, I had expected to see Sven standing there.. I don't know why.

But it was a woman. A young woman.. a girl really. I blinked at her while I caught my breath and once more regained my nerve with a smile that I am sure had spread across my face.

"I am here to see the legendary Marius. Are you.. him?"

Families, Wills & Ex-Companions

No more than a few days have passed since Sven's dagger landed imbedded in the chest of Marius, and yet it seems an eternity of waiting and waiting for any news of his health. Supposedly no new is good news. Though I cannot help but worry every idle moment that Marius will die.. and leave me to uncertainty. Too, I am reminded time and again of the night Giselle died in my arms.. my former owner, just prior to Marius.

"Does Marius have a will, Damos?"
I have spent the day outdoors with Asia, trying to keep my mind from fretting over the fact I've not seen Marius in three days.. nor has the Physican been down to give us any word of encouragement or otherwise.

"Well.. of course he does, Asia,"
I replied after a moment of confusion. She, above all who know my master best, ought to know that he has an iron will. In fact, he may well have the strongest will on all of Cos.

I do believe she could sense that I knew nothing of what she spoke, and after a small bit of laughter escaped her, she explained to me that a will is a legal written document that specifies the last wishes of a deceased man, and how and to whom his belongings must be dispersed.

I have no idea then, whether he has such a will or not. Nor where such a thing might be kept. But Asia did tell me that if he were to die.. she would surely take me as her own.

"Does Marius have any family, Damos?"

"Yes I do believe he had a mother and father," I replied again after a moment's thought. For I am certain that all people must have a mother and father at some point.. even me. Although I have no knowledge of them.. either mine or Marius'. "Though I know he has no sisters or brothers. Oh.. and there is Bijou."

"Who is that," she asked?

"Marius' Ex-Companion." I am not sure which stunned her more.. that my master had kept this secret, or that he'd had a companion once at all. But she stared at me rather incredulous for a few moments.

"Well.. she does not need to be informed of any of this. Most epecially of his will, if he has one." Of course, I nodded, agreeing with her. I had very little knowledge of Bijou anyway. Except that..

"She comes to see him once a year." Again she looked stunned. And suddenly she was curious too.

"What does she look like, Damos?"

"She is very pretty, Asia."

"Where does she.. sleep.. when she comes to visit?" Again I was confused for a moment. Was that jealousy in the lady's eyes? But alas I know very little of Bijou.

"I do not know, Asia. She stays in my master's private rooms until it is time for her to leave. I've never peeked to see where she sleeps."

The Physician's Orders

"Perhaps you'd like a second opinion from someone more qualified than myself," he said with a spark of sarcasm in his voice that I'd not readily picked up on at first.

Perhaps I had been a little presumptuous in charging the Physician to take the best care of Marius.. as if he'd planned on anything less. And while he'd managed on the first try to at least shoo Asia and Cali from Marius' private chambers.. I was a bit slower in heeding the man's orders that we clear out and leave the poor man to recuperate in peace and silence.

Despite my master's supreme preference for discretion, I did not care who saw it when I beheld his sleeping face in my hands and kissed his lips. It was not the sort of obligatory kiss shared among men.. but one that lingered and suggested that I loved him more deeply than mere kin or friendship.

Prior to her departure from his chambers, Cali had told me that she believed those who sleep the unnatural comatose sleep can hear words spoken around them. I know not whether this is true.. but when I did finally release my master's face from my hands, I whispered these words to him: I love you, Master.

Marius Takes a Fall

In those first few hours following the stabbing, I laid beside him on his couch, unable to tear myself away from Marius and let go. In all the ten years I have lived under my master's roof, I have never once seen him quite this way.. vulnerable and weakened. Less than a god. And it frightens me.

Marius, please. Wake up.

Less that an ahn after Anya had arrived and departed the Wine Festival leaving all the song and dance and merriment behind her in a whirlwind of indifference, Marius and Asia returned to me moments before a shout rose above the cacophany of music and general drunkeness.

"SLAVE!" It was the voice of Sven. The woman kneeling at my feet stiffened and clung tightly to me.

I do not know what compelled me to tug her right behind my back as if to hide her either. She had been given to me. By Anya. And as a gift from Sven, no less.

"That's my slave!" Asia too, cried out and pointed right at the woman following Sven with a rope tied around her neck. And sure enough.. there was Calico. "Marius.. do something! He has my slave!"

It all happened so frightfully fast, I am still sick and dizzied by it. Sven let go of the rope and made a grab for Asia, threatening us all as he held her in a choke-hold and pressed a dagger to her throat.

"Give me my slave!" He shouted with a rare insistance I've never seen in his eyes before. Kari trembled behind me, causing me to tremble a bit too. And yet I was still reluctant to let her go. Anya had given her to me.

Marius drew out from the surrounding crowd and raised his hands as he approached Sven, offering a trade to the Artist, "Your slave.. for mine." And he pointed right at Calico in his attempt to bargain with Sven.

I don't know whether Sven assumed Marius was armed, but in that instant he shoved poor Asia to the ground and threw his dagger.. right at my master's heart.

In the sudden confusion, Sven vanished. There were screams and people running about frantic while Marius slowly sank down to the ground holding the hilt of a dagger that had been deeply imbedded in his chest.

I fear.. this is all my fault.

Anya

During a small interlude when I had become separated from both Marius and Asia, I was suddenly face to face with an unusual lady I had not seen in more than two years. She is not like many of the other women of Jad, nor like any of the women from the nearby Peasant villages. Her eyes are fiery and her features often sharp. She is a dancer, yet not in the sort of traditional slave dances that many other women are well acquainted with. But of the sort that felt to me, intimidating. Enough that I had dreamt of her off and on over the next two years.

Anya is her name, and she is Sven's woman.

Today at the Wine Festival she threw a woman right at me the very moment I had smiled and called out her name. A kajira woman.

"Keep her, Damos. She is yours. A gift," she said without a smile. And my own faltered for a moment, unable to take my eyes from her long enough to see exactly whom she had bestowed upon me.

"From Sven."

"Thank you.. Anya. Thank you."

And just like that she had turned to go, leaving me with a gift and a burgeoning fondness in my heart for the Artist once again when I at last looked down upon the red-haired woman Karihisma, kneeling at my feet.

Cosian Wine Festival

The day after Kajuralia - that world-wide holiday in which all slaves and masters trade roles from sunrise until sunset, the Cosian Wine Festival is an island-wide event hosted by more than two-thousand vineyards from Selnar to Jad. It is to be the first Cosian Wine Festival Marius has attended in more than fifty years. And only the second one for me.

I feel I literally dragged myself home that day, following a paga drinking game with Sven and Rufus that I was sorry I had won the first two rounds of. I no longer cared that I had apparently lost everything in the third. I don't even remember the third round! All I wanted was to lay me down in my own bed and mourn my aching body. I do not think I have ever been this sick in my entire life.

Though Marius would have no part of it. He did not have to say it either, but I knew deep down, that he was quite wroth with me. I was forced to rise and bathe, and accompany both him and Asia to the Cosian Wine Festival. Funny.. but the last thing in the world that I want right now.. is another drop of alcohol.

As the day wore on, my spirits did begin to rise out of their mire. Moreso after I was encouraged to drink my fill of wine when the crowds ventured from one vineyard to another. Though I did not tell Asia for the longest time that I had last seen her runaway kajira in Sven's tent. For I knew if Cali was returned, I would still be forced to whip her. And I just cannot do this. I do not have it in me to strike a woman. The only choice therefore was to keep my mouth shut and say nothing of Cali's whereabouts.

There is a little something though about wine's potent effect on loosening tight lips. Also the fact that Asia often takes advantage of me in ways I never suspect until it is often too late.

A Kajira Lost

I do not believe it was the first time Asia's new kajira has been lost. Nor the last, I fear. Easy come, easy go. I lost her on a gambling dare.. though not intentionally.

Asia brought the new kajira home one day, with the simple explanation she'd been found washed ashore and unconscious following a shipwreck that had occured some distance off the shores of Jad. Calico is her name. Or Cali, if something with less syllables is preferable.

I knew from the first moment I laid eyes upon her, that she was destined to inspire music from my inner fount. Melodies that resonate behind my closed eyes, while leaving me to marvel at the inward and introspective sensation of having her in my arms.. of being in her arms, twined in a rhapsody whose lulling chords play out so beautifully inside my head.

Inspired by the divine Muse of passion, it was inevitable that countless works of art would be birthed in a single moment of illicit.. sin. Yet we were caught in the act.. and by Marius, no less. And in a fleeting moment of indecision following an edict that a whip be placed in my own hand with which to strike this jezebel.. I panicked and ran. Straight to Sven.

After an earnest appeal to my friend's charitable good nature, Sven allowed me to stay. Though I think much of the reason behind his decision occured after Rufus had found Cali wandering around their camp. Apparently Cali had run after me when I had fled my master's home. Both men naturally assumed she belonged to me, and I did not refute their error. Especially when Sven wagered his own kajira as well as his tent, in addition to Rufus' shirt.. against my kajira in a harmless little game of drinking paga. He who consumed the most in the least amount of time would win the entirety of all bets placed.

I won the first two rounds! Unfortunately, I do not remember the third round. I awoke the next day a good mile away from Sven's camp, face down in the sand. And with the worst case of nausea and headache I have ever known. Cali was nowhere to be found.

Asia Arrives

Hers was the last face I ever expected to find on the other side of the door. I was both frightened and overjoyed at the same time. And for a moment I knew not whether to run and hide, or throw my arms about the lady. In my indecisive moment, I fell backward over Jade, whom I was not yet aware had crept up right behind me.

Later I had asked her, "Asia, are you mad at me?" Of course she was mad at me! And yet I yielded to her all the same, melting against her breast the very moment the kiss of forgiveness arrived. Every kiss is like the first. Always new. And always bearing it's own kinetic shock of electricity that spins through me from limb to limb like heated firebrands.

Yes.. she is still mad at me for having once stolen something from her. And yes.. I believe she will find ways for me to keep earning her good graces.

I have missed her.

Return To Cos

Home. Just as the unknown Poet once declared: There is no place like it.

We arrived earlier than expected, for most of the Merchant voyagers along the Vosk were bound west for the furthest trade points of Port Kar. Perhaps too, the trip seemed shorter because I was going home rather than abroad.

For more than a year I had been exiled from my master's house, existing in the city of Ar wherever the Fates would lure me. Once long ago I dreamt of freedom, wondering what it must be like to live among those blessed by it. In the past year I have come to believe that freedom is not a blessing at all.. but a curse. And I am ever grateful to have returned 'neath the sovereign wing of my master.

Metellan

I met Virosa again at the Tendora's Tit paga den, thinking to perhaps beseech her into letting me stay in her small hovel down in the basement there. I don't much care for the cramped quarters, nor the serpents that are housed in a small cage. And yet it is preferable to returning home again to the Magician's house, where I fear to meet the lady Scribe all in black again. For I am ill at ease in her presence of late, and I believe she has no good intentions toward me anymore.

Virosa was with a man I have not seen before in these parts, making preparations to leave.. Ar, I think. I was bereaved over this small fact, as if someone I loved were about to die. Virosa did not wish for me to call her by that name anymore. "Call me Amanita now," she said. Virosa does not even exist, and yet my mind played tricks on me as I stood before this same woman and spoke with her face to face.

She promised to return for me soon. I shall be counting the nights til then, as Temis, I'm quite sure, has innumerable plans for my subsequent days.

Caustic Words

The lady all in black has spent about a month with me in the Magician's home, and still there has been no sign of Xarika all this while. More and more she has become aggitated with me, to the point that I have begun to fear for my life. She is curious to find out what I know about Agamemnon Sarce, though I dare not utter one peep of what I have seen. I know nothing of the man he slew, other than that he was some general of Ar who'd come to arrest Agamemnon. And I dread every new day that comes, suspecting that the black Scribe means to see me hanged.

Virosa came home with me one eve after I ran into her at the Stadium of Blades. I had accompanied the Lady all in black there, but she hurried off to tend to some business and left me stranded for several ahn in the stands. Near the end of the night, when she had failed to return for me, I decided to head home on my own. And that is when I ran into Virosa a second time.. literally so.

Outside the Arena, we hid ourselves in the shadows 'neath the parapets. It was then that Virosa laid open her plans of leaving Ar very soon, and I in my frantic desire not to lose her, begged her to kiss me again, the way she had kissed me before.

In the end she had kissed me with such a passion that she swallowed down every last drop of my desire for her. And I truly think that my fragile heart shall break into a million pieces, should she leave me behind.

Later at home, I had planned to sleep the night in Virosa's arms. And yet Fate had her own different agenda, for as Virosa began releasing me gently back into the mainstream of my life.. the black Scribe suddenly returned. Too, she was not pleased to find me in tears; distraught. Virosa was chased out of the house with several threats of retaliation should she choose to disobey. And I myself was chastised, as only a woman scorned might lash out. She threatened to put me on a leash and expose me to the world for what I am.

Strangely, the black Scribe's caustic words served only once again to dredge up regret for all the wrongs I have committed against Marius. This too, shall be yet another straw that perhaps finally breaks the proverbial kaiila's back.

My Homesick Heart

In the months that have passed since the Magician brought me to Ar, I find my increasing lonliness leaves me wanting for my old life. I miss Marius. And just as often I think of Jade, and I wonder how she fares. Has she forgotten me by now?

Penitence is a strange thing. For as part of me wishes I'd never partaken in theft, another part of me could never fathom the eternal loss of Jade. And though I did not ultimately get to keep her, the thought that she is with my Master does bring me some relief from my own misery. I shall never cease to wish upon the stars at night. For in them I might obtain the mercy I desire. And Marius' open arms, welcoming me home once again.

Virosa

From nowhere she came, threatening to upend my constitution. And yet she claimed to know a thing or two of Fate, coercing me with a constant tug to my hand to enter with her, this paga den known as Tendora's Tit. Right into her web.. "Come in and stick around awhile," said the Spider to the Fly.

I cannot say that I have frequented many paga taverns in my lifetime, for Marius is none too fond of them. I do not think any of my former Mistresses thought much of such iniquitous dens either, though I never outrightly heard any speak of them. And yet once I crossed the threshold of Tendora's Tit, there was a certain magic that filled the air. Heady and like an aphrodisiac.

I followed Virosa to the raised platform at the fore of the tavern, where she led me by the hand. And this in of itself seemed to draw several jeers from the many patrons, their faces flushed red with sweat from too much paga. It is said that men love kajirae with spirit and tenacity. If they loved Virosa, I can see why.

Upon the platform, I raised my Kalika and bow and began a new melody that came to mind upon a lark, for I was both beguiled and inspired by the Ost Charmer. Her hips moved in grinding gyrations, and she danced in such a way as I have never before seen a woman dance. It made me almost sick with fever as I succumbed to lust. And I am sure I was not alone in my sentiment, for several times the men in the crowd rose up collectively to beat their fists into their left shoulders in ovations as we gave them our all.

In the end, I stayed the night with her down in the storage room beneath Tendora's Tit. And while at first I had been paralyzed with fear the snakes she kept in a cage, as well as the small cramped space of her personal niche.. I did my best to overcome my acute sense of claustrophobia, long enough to spend the night in her arms and joined at the hip as lovers.

All That Glitters

From the stone steps that lead to this magnificent structure.. stripped of my shirt by a thief.. the Great Theatre is not at all the way I have remembered it.

Nor the way I wish to again.

Lady In Black

"Very well. I shall stay, but I must warn you. Should you become suddenly tempted to take advantage of my person, I am armed with pins, needles and other weapons all over my body."

I had met the lady on one of Ar's many streets that intersect the market where I've been staying. She was dressed all in black, as if she meant to keep from drawing any unwanted attention to herself. But I could not help but notice this, as if it stood out like a sore thumb. From across the street, I could not be certain if she were being robbed, or merely cajoled by one of the friendlier hoodlums that prowl the streets of the Metellan District after dark... but when she asked whether I meant to stand there or come and save her, I assured her it was the latter.

I was most glad when she'd not required my assistance in fending off a street thug afterall. And yet she seemed rather pleased with my company at any rate as we walked several blocks, arm in arm. Along the way I learned she stayed at one of the Inns as a guest, having no real home of her own. And several times I did ask her to accompany me to the Magician's house. I had been alone there for some time, afterall.

I think that oftentimes it is proper for a lady in strange company, to announce she is well-armed and quite dangerous. Although at first it confused me, merely because I wondered how she slept at all knowing that with one wrong move, she might become a human pin cushion, injected with her own poisons and whatnot.

But this was when the lady all in black broke down and confessed that she had no weapons upon her person whatsoever. And in that regard, I was not required to be so careful when I curled myself around her the very first night she slept with me.

Fiona

She was a pretty woman in my arms, timid at first and later with her courage laid bare. I led her in our secret revolt against all things lawful and right as we crossed our hearts and vowed our propoganda would spurn none but those of Ko-ro-ba.

Halfway across the clearing and back, the patterns of a star-crossed dance lay imbedded in the flattened sod, for proof that we had been there. It was the next best thing sans the lost glass slipper.

And just like that, she slipped from my grasp and was gone.

Lourdes Fleur

It was none other than the Taurentian, Agamemnon Sarce that I had crossed paths with again. He asked me whether I was familiar with Ka-la-na, though I had to admit to him my experience was scarce. Also, I refrained from filling him in on some of Marius' more colorful expletives regarding the staple wine of Ar, for I feared to hurt Agamemnon's feelings. Instead I mentioned only a rumor to him that I had heard of Ka-la-na's most potent ability to reduce a free woman to a slave for the space of an ahn. It was only when I speculated what such a drink must do to men, that he insisted we imbibe.

I recall being almost immediately dizzied by the drink, and I think for one fleeting moment I had the innate desire to silence his copious monologue on the various qualities of Ka-la-na via a more intimate transgression of my mouth than mere words alone. Yet not two seconds after curling my arms around his neck and leaning much too close, Agamemnon rose abruptly and accused me of being drunk. His laughter was not the genuine sort, but bore upon it an aggitation.. as if he fought against his own natural desire to taste my mouth upon his own.

"Let's go to a party," he said instead as he lept up from the bench we two had occupied, side by side for the better part of the day. "I will intoduce you to all the hags I know so well."

Once we passed the gates and I was introduced by my escort, I played my Kalika at the insistence of Lourdes Fleur with such an infectious tandem of melodies, that she.. full of Ka-la-na herself.. danced before me like a woman abandoned to the very throes of sensuality. I wondered if she were aware for the ahn, how like a kajira she seemed.

"I have never, in all my life, danced the way I did just now." She had a tiny dot of perspiration beading the small crinkle in her brow, and I longed so to take her into my embrace and kiss her. Just like her namesake, she was soft and fragile like the furled petals of a flower.

And so with all my heart I made my silent supplication that she allow me to love her whilst I blurted a thing I probably should not have said aloud: "I am glad I have inspired you then, my Lady. And you are certainly the most beautiful hag in whose company I have ever been graced with."

I am not sure at which juncture Lourdes' sudden burst of tears combusted into a veritable war. I had no idea I would hurt her so, yet before I could even think to beg the Lady's forgiveness.. her brother Leander was suddenly in my face, confronting me. I am not sure what infraction, whether mine own or another's, brought about Nemesis' divine retribution.. for I never saw it coming until justice was already much passed.

Leander's attention was suddenly elsewhere, as was my own. Yet mine did not linger, not after a man named Flavius entered House Fleur and entered into an altercation with Agamemnon. Their fists flew only moments before the parry of heavy steel crossed back and forth, yet by then I had already hidden myself behind Lourdes, who was curled upon one of the divans. From there I laid upon my belly on the floor and hid beneath the furniture.. until it and the lovely Lady Fleur were overturned and spilled to the middle of the floor and I was once more exposed.

In one fell swoop of steel, Lourdes was separated from all her hair and the man Flavius lay slain in his own sanguine pool of blood. I could bear no more as my own bile threatened to rise up inside my throat.. and I crawled upon my hands and knees to escape the violence. Once again I am convinced it is Nemesis and her scales of justice that have sought me out. Yet twice now I have escaped her scathing punishment.

The Magician's Apprentice

The trip to Ar was far far longer than I remembered it being. I supposed it was because I was too busy looking back, rather than forward. When Circé Veneficus invited me to Ar on the last En'kara, I had been rather elated. I thought and dreamt of nothing else until I arrived at last. Yet now in my present circumstance, I felt no such joy in my heart. I do not know what will become of me, nor whether I will ever see Marius again in my lifetime.

There is both an element of entertainment and of mystery enshrouding Xarika. She is a Magician, and I sense that most folks regard her with a hint of loathing. And yet at the same time, they are drawn by curiousity to see whether she is truly able to make a person vanish into thin air. Or to saw a person completely in half and put him or her back together again. I have incidentally been reduced to this most humiliating position of being the Lady's apprentice while we sail across Thassa and continue our voyage along the Vosk.

People stare at me as if I am some freak riddled with the Dar-kosis, as if I am an unnatural anomoly when I return from the void I had vanished to.. or when I rise and walk as a whole man, only moments after being sawed in half inside the Magician's truck. They used to look upon me much differently when I was known as Musician. I have become a pariah in their midst, and I fear I shall die of lonliness before the end of Se'var.

Sold

It was not long before my joy became dashed upon the stones of utter devistation, when Marius announced to me that it was I who had been sold. In the night while Jade and I had slept so soundly in one another's arms, my Master sold me. Following the exchange of coin from Xarika's hand to his, I myself have become the expendable commodity. In shock I faced him, before suddenly losing my composure and throwing myself at him... where I am sure I wept so like a woman. How can he be filled with hate so easily. How? When I love him so unconditionally! I clung to him with my weeping and my begging, reducing myself in his eyes yet further. Until I could not possibly sink any lower while still remaining above the ground.

"Go, Damos. She waits for you at the pier." He peeled my arms from around his neck and pushed me back.

I've no more left within me with which to beg his mercy. I turned my back upon my Master to gather my belongings. And then I fled from his House without looking back. All the way to the pier I ran, where I met the Lady Xarika waiting for me, just as Marius had said. I wonder if she knows how desperately I yearn to hate him. I wonder if she even cares.

Writ of Claimance

Early in the morning I arose as usual, though much pleased to find that the woman Jade was still with me in my bed and with our limbs tangled the way lovers limbs ought. Lovemaking hung in the air, its scent slightly stale though light upon my senses. It drew a smile to my mouth instantly, that smell. And I think I could grow used to waking with it every morning for the rest of my days.

Jade was soon to rouse right after me, and together we headed down the stairs to break the fast with Marius, for this ritual has been his and mine for nearly a decade. While I seated myself at my Master's right hand, Jade was once again allowed the chair at his left. I do not know whether he is aware how she brightens the room so. In fact, she brightens the entire house. Or perhaps it is just me, seeing my world anew through a rosier shade of glass.

After we dined, Marius instructed me to go to my room and practice on my Kalika. Yet it was clear he had in mind to leave the House with Jade. How instantly then I was filled with mistrust for the very man whom I have trusted for the last nine years. The very one who owns my soul, I was convinced, was plotting to sell my Jade... my kajira.. my love. Plotting to sell her in the markets like some cheap and disposable commodity.

Go to your room, he told me, remarking that he did not wish to return and find me upon my belly in the Atrium, weeping inconsolably like some woman. I threw myself at him; begged him not to sell Jade. But Marius is selectively deaf when he chooses, and again he reminded me to go upstairs to my room and practice my Kalika.

I want to hate him! I want so very badly to despise my Master.
But alas.. I am weak. For I love him unconditionally.

Marius returned after half the day had passed. I did not play my instrument as bidden, either. But lay upon my belly across my bed and wept the entire time. It was Jade who came to my room and knocked, seeking me out of my despair. I learned from her.. and from my Master later.. that he filed a notarized Writ of Claimance with the city Magistrate. From this day forth, the kajira's former owner.. has exactly two hands to appear and make a claim upon her property. In the event that the Slaver Asia fails to appear, the kajira Jade becomes the sole property of my Master.

I am torn now, between love for Asia, and love for the kajira.
A part of me longs to see her again..
and yet another part of me prays I never do.

Tangled Sheets

On the third day the cellar door opened, spilling a searing light down into my purgatory, blinding me with it. Jade only groaned beside me, too far wasted with thirst and hunger to cry out.

Marius descended the stone steps and crouched to unlock both our shackled wrists, before he left again without a word. I fear the worst of my punishment has only just begun. I fear my Master has somehow.. disowned me.

Nevertheless, Jade and I were given a rather sumptuous breakfast and plenty of water in the kitchen upstairs. Afterward we were both put to the wall naked. And whipped. I the moreso, for Jade's tender flesh was spared any lasting marks upon it. And still she wept til my own heart broke for her. I am powerless to save her from my Master's ire.

Yet in the end we were dismissed to my room, wherein I laid beside this kajira more confused than ever. Was that it then? Was that all that Marius had to say on the matter? I let these troublesome thoughts escape my mind as Jade and I spent the remainder of the day tangled in the sheets.

Confinement

Not a further word was spoken of our infraction, nor any word at all for that matter. Marius had been stanchly silent for the duration of the trip until we docked at the Port Authority of Jad. Once we reached home... home sweet home.. Marius banished Jade and I both to the wine cellar, where I have been an infrequent prisoner.

Each of us shackled by a wrist near the dank stone floor, we were closed in utter darkness for the space of three days. Without food or water. Without any light whatsoever. It is a pure psychological hell to whomever must endure it. Yet it was the constant presence of Jade in my utter darkness that has kept me sane this time.

We held to each other amidst our whisperings that were meant to assure one another that neither dreamt.

My Darkest Fear

Once inside the confines of my cabin aboard The Elizabeth, I unlocked my steamer trunk and released Jade from her small prison as I tried not to even imagine the claustrophobia such a tight space might cause. Had I been in her place, I am certain I would have been long dead by now.

We were quick to discover one another again, wasting no time beneath the sheets of my small cabin bed. Hours passed I am certain, though I had lost count. Jade remained with me through a turbulent spell once the breakers caused a rocking in the ship. And without a hint of mocking upon her lips.

Yet as the storm died, another rose fiercely to take its place. And it was named Marius.

This my darkest fear: Jade and I were caught in the very act of thievery. We had stolen from the Slaver's purse. Stolen a slave, to be precise.